Back To Work

Maternity leave is officially over. Today was my first day back at the office after 2 months of time off. Spent the day discussing things with other adults. Spent the day in heels and a dress...with no spit-up on either shoulder. Spent the day emailing and not changing poopy diapers.

So, with the boys peacefully in bed and the hum of the dishwasher in the background, I'd like to thank the following for making the day possible:

• Spanx: Thank you, Spanx body shaper. Your "all-the-way-up" style with added tummy support slimmed and tightened me from rib to knee and helped me feel like I was sucking it in all day long. Who really needs to know that I really haven't lost the baby weight and was basically wearing a modern-day girdle? If only I had been wearing a slip -- then mother would have been really proud.
  
• Starbucks: Thank you, Starbucks. The regular cup of coffee I had at 6:00 am at home this morning got me to the office. But the tall skim latte at 8:30 am -- what a treat! -- was what really got me hyped and jittery. You even helped me appear awake enough so folks thought I was actually paying attention when they were telling me important stuff about budgets and deadlines and projects.
• Laura Mercier concealer: Thank you, industrial-strength Laura Mercier undereye concealer. You helped me cover those dark circles and bags...and made my face look brighter -- or so the lady at the Neiman Marcus makeup counter says. Perhaps you even covered up the listless look of 69 days and counting of no REM sleep?
  
• Medela: Thank you, Medela "pump in style" breast pump. Yes, we've had a love/hate relationship in the past and it's bittersweet to rekindle the tormented relationship after a 2-year hiatus. I still don't know why you say you are "in style." I haven't seen any breast pumps on the runways lately. And I certainly don't know of any breast pumps that are definitively out of style. But that's another matter. Thanks for giving me an excuse to shut my office door every 3 hours and remember that I miss my bambino. Thanks for making that weird mee-wah mee-wah sucking sound that sometimes makes me think I'm actually hearing some little beast chant, "Me want. Me want. Me want." Thanks for allowing me to breastfeed for as long as the wee one (reasonably) chooses. And most of all, thanks for helping me sport that rack.